I was thinking this on my way home during my walk, this thought which has occurred time and time again.  It has something to do with my years in substance abuse addiction but there is some relevance for our situation today.  So, please allow me to share something with you about the horrors of crack-addiction.

One of the prominent features of this potent drug is hallucinations.  Now, there are many types of hallucinations and I experienced them quite frequently and severely.  In fact, if I didn’t, it took the joy of the high away!  I suffered visual, tactile, olfactory and audible hallucination brought on by extreme, chronic paranoia.  It’s any wonder I never acted out by jumping out of windows.  Well, actually, I’m sure I would have except I made certain, in most cases, when I knew I would be binging for several days, I was never higher than the second level.  So, you can see, taking a dive through plated windows and landing two stories down could be a fatal decision, but this is not what I’m referring to.

One of the many times which remain perhaps the greatest of all episodes occurred when I lived in Puerto Rico.  I’d taken a potentially heart-stopping dosage and interestingly enough, I can remember today what I experienced then, sort of truly like an out-of-body experience, which I hasten to add, I do not subscribe nor believe in such things.  The paranoia of being watched became paramount and I need to protect myself from being seen.  Now, anyone sober watching someone like me, would probably burst a lung laughing at the movements and illogical actions.  I remember hearing what amounted to as gunshots.  I grabbed a broom and began swatting the bullets out of the air as they were being fired.  I was hitting them outta-da-park, and any major baseball league would have been glad to sign me on.  In fact, I was hitting them so hard it left pockmarks in the walls.  At some point, I would run into the bathroom and close the door, thinking to keep from being discovered.  Now, at this time, I was renting a studio and you could pretty much see everything at once, obviously except for the bathroom.  But hiding behind the door my concern became, “What if they’re in the room?”  So, I would step out the door and continue swatting those deadly bullets away.  I would repeat this process for only the Lord knows how long.

Now, this is the point I want to mention:  At a certain time, I covered my head after jumping onto my bed.  Then I would uncover my head to see what I thought was the killer(s) entering my room.  I’m hearing voices, smelling smells and seeing things and feeling things, too.  Now, the decision I had to make was, taking a bullet in the head because my trusty broom was no longer to be found, and if I uncovered my head, this is what was going to happen.  Or, I could keep my head covered, remain unseen as far as I was concerned from my supposed intruders.  Then somewhere in my sobering mind the thought occur, “This is real, Roy.  The minute you uncover your head, they’re going to take you out!”  Then another part of my brain would convince me this was all a fantasy, a part of the drug-induced high and I was okay, nothing was happening around me.  This debate would go on, again, only the Lord would know how long.  Was this real?  Or was it not?  This was truly the question.  A wrong decision could be a fatal one.

How many of us are playing Russian Roulette with our soul’s salvation, our eternity, which could be lost over just one decision?  Just ONE decision?  The Bible is clear about what God requires, no, COMMANDS insofar as worshiping Him and He will not be, as they say on the street, “taking shorts”.  You have to come correct.  Truly, and you don’t have to be high to experience this, the Bible says there are many spirits which have gone out into the world.  Which one are you listening to?  Which one has your ear and it will not be sounding mean and evil, but sweet, inspiring and seemingly full of truth, but will it be?

You will only get one shot to get this right and keeping your head under-covers is NOT the answer.

Oh, by the way, the sound of the “gunshots” I heard? It was water dripping from the showerhead in the bathroom, hitting a puddle of water near the drain!  The bullet holes were pockmarks of the broom hitting against the wall as I’m swinging for the bullets!


January 30, 2015


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