Sometimes, I do.  I admit it.  I do feel like this.

There are also times when I try to justify, myself, by just being silent, thinking if I have less to say then I cannot be drawn in controversy.  I have tried not to go through the newsfeed when I hadn’t been on awhile, but there is that other part of me, already determined to be an “addiction”, which prevents me from remaining unknowing.  And, once I know, I have this need, this urge, an overwhelming compulsion to say something especially if what is being said is wrong.

But, who am I?

I am so filthy and filled with sin and it makes me wonder when I became the mouthpiece of God and is not confusing or a question in my mind, no doubt, He could have chosen someone much more qualified, even better than me.  Why did He have to settle for me?  He doesn’t have to ask me twice because I will answer when the question is posed the first time:  “I’m not worthy.”

I’m not worthy.

I’m not.

Yet, I continue.  Belief is a powerful substance.  It is what often holds people to relationships when there is no relationship.  It is the same thing which causes people to continue striving, no evidence of thriving yet peace is not gotten by merely looking the other way.  Somebody said it was like “fire shut up in their bones” and I know the feeling because fire cannot be contained.  It seeks to burn both outward and inward and perhaps that is the answer why I keep going, while I am being used for the correction of others, it is at the same time correcting me.

So, giving up?

Not today.

December 21, 2015

Giving Up