A HARD MESSAGE

But it needs to be said.

Yesterday before going to bed, I was speaking to my friend, a young lady of 19, a promising college student revealed she’s now pregnant!  It came across as a slap in my face.  She’s not my child, wife or sister.  Not even a niece, but I think I might have felt what her parents felt upon hearing the news.  I had to share with her I was disappointed.  There were no “congratulations”.  When I inquired further learned it’s a 21 year old student, someone she considers a boyfriend, who fed her the common nonsense of wanting to “marry” her, when in fact, he’s not even able to live on his own.  Never one to be short on words, I found it difficult to be accepting, kind and gentle as I needed to be direct, forward and pointed, which is more typical of my nature and more suitable for the occasion.

Since coming to this country I’ve seen/heard an epidemic which is more pronounced than even in my country of “liberty, justice and freedom for all”.  At least, we have the sensibility to handle such matters with a preventative:  condoms and other forms of birth control.  And should this fail, there is an alternative:  abortion.  But in the land of ancient Catholic stupidity forbidding the prevention and resolution, millions of young women are saddled with the responsibility of caring for child(ren) with no spouse or partner, imposing and intruding upon their parents to raise their children while they work in demeaning jobs overseas in support of their family, returning home every two years or so still penniless (peso-less) and waiting for the next opportunity to do it all over again!

Here’s a word of advice to women of child-bearing age, whether you’re 14 or 40:  keep your legs closed and your brain open to recognize if the man hasn’t got a J.O.B. (Job, Opportunity & Benefits), then he isn’t worth opening yourself to problems and pain later in life.  Even with one having all this there is no guarantee it will work, but you at least have a chance of being supported as well as your child, but you yourself should be educated enough to be able to stand on your own without him should the situation arise, even independent of your parents.  Sure, I know, all about the “culture” here but one thing is for certain independent of culture, stupidity has no boundary and abounds in every country.

What my friend did was stupid.  I don’t fault the guy, well, because I am one.  I know what we’re capable of doing as well as not doing but normally it’s the mother who is left with the child(ren) raising them alone.  How dare you involve your parents, sisters and brothers and other family members in your mistake! How dare you bring children into this world, in this country without career, medical and education funds already established.  Who will feed them?  Who will buy their pampers?  Who will provide housing and daycare and all the things children need in order to have a decent life?  THIS is a form of child abuse punishable upon the children who carried no fault.  Surely their innocence is taken away at the hands of irresponsible people—can’t even call them, “parents”.

Thirty-five years ago, and then ten years later, I made the decision to send those “gifts” from God back to Him.  I don’t regret it.  My friend stated it is a “sin” to abort.  Well, it was a sin to have sex before marriage.  Two wrongs don’t make a right, but when I consider how I spared them, my “children-to-be” from the “father-I-would-have-been”, I repeat, I carry no regret.  I’m not advocating abortion, but the God I know is “Pro-Choice”.  He’s given to each one the ability to “choose”.

It is my hope when I’m walking down one of the streets, this particular child is not one I will see with his or her hand out because I’m a foreigner, begging for money or something to eat.  It is my hope when I’m on Facebook I don’t get a “friend request” and it’s from the child wanting to find a sponsor for their educational needs because the parents weren’t responsible, prepared or used foresight knowing these things are necessary.

I came up with a mother raising three boys by herself in the early 60’s and mid-70’s.  I saw her struggle and determination as she scrubbed people’s floors during the day while she put herself through nursing school.  It paid off.  She bought a home and moved us out of the “projects”.  She was prepared to assist should college had been our choice.  I graduated from high school at the very same convention hall where she graduated seven years prior receiving her cap and pin.  She was my role model to achieve, to strive, to never stop because dreams do come true.  Yet, when I speak to these so-called mothers here I hear this phrase, “I want a ‘simple’ life.”  Simple!  SIMPLE!  You mean you don’t want to work and have a man to support you and yours.  You already have a “simple life”, so why not get up off your, ahem, and do something for your “self” and your child(ren) because excuses are not acceptable.

Yes, hard words for a difficult situation, but it needs to be said.

 

March 4, 2015

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