I knew it was coming, but I cannot blame the Internet or Facebook. I’m blaming You! Someone asked me to pray about something and my response was, “I take issue with that. Benevolent God that He is and I have to “ask” Him for protection? So, does that mean if I don’t, He won’t? Maybe it’s me, but I often get people sending me messages, “Bro. pray for me…” I always have to respond, “Has He stopped listening to you? Because if He has, then there is probably little I can do, and if He does hear you, ya don’t need mine!” Again, maybe it is me but I think differently along those lines.

So, this is where I am—again. Me over here and You over there. I don’t talk to You and yet You had a message for me a few hours ago. You said, “I’m going to teach you about love.” And if it is anything like how You taught me before, about life, I guess I should plan for some pain. And I really don’t want to feel pain right about now. I have too much pain to deal with. What were You thinking!

You made me like this. You knew all of the short-comings and You want to stand on the other side of the room, treating me like a child, stretching Your hand out saying, “Come to me”, all the while I’m bumping my head, falling and scraping my knees and yet You beckon with, “You can do it!” Well, what’s wrong with You not doing it! Why was it necessary to bring me here in the first place? I see all these parents in this country having kids and don’t have the money for their health needs, for their educational needs and, to me, this is so unfair. Child abuse if you ask me, and this is how You wish to bring me along, too! No. I cannot accept this anymore.

All the platitudes, all the rhetoric, all the logic, all the faith, all the—what! And this is supposed to be alright? Thirty years ago I asked You to reveal Yourself to me, and you did. But, ohhhh, what I had to go through for me to see You are real. Now, I see more clearly, too, about You. I got it all upstairs in my head, but I have nothing in the hole in my chest, not for You, not for my family, not for anything anymore.

Funny, I’m thinking what will happen tomorrow. Have I formed such a habit—again, of reading Your Word, Your “Spirit of Prophecy” writings, and will I be compelled to write something for someone else, but not me, because that’s how I’m wired right now? Exchanging one addiction for another, which is an addiction nonetheless, and addiction is never a positive experience in itself. But, we’ll see what happens tomorrow, won’t we? Yeah, I know, You already know…

…You’re just not telling me.

And, that’s the problem.

Now, You should be able to know why I’ve lost faith in You. You would have known this already without me telling you, before it began. So, I guess I’m telling somebody. Whichever one of You Three want to handle this one, be my guest.

PS. Now I know what Paul was talking about. Saving the world and yet being a castaway. Couldn’t save myself.


March 27, 2016