I had the same discussion, last night with my wife, as I have had similar discussions with those who precede her. To explain, discuss and further her understanding the simple truth: “I am an addict—again.” However, like the others, the message is sent but unless there has been prior experience either with herself having had an addiction, and in this case she does not, or have lived in the close confines with someone who has/is addicted, again, has not, therefore all the messages in the world will not suffice except the experience which she is currently going through.
The question comes up, “which is the worst addiction?” The answer, “One may have their preference but the truth of the matter is, they’re all the same in principle and how it affects others.” A gentleman who liked my writing asked if I would be willing to share my posts in a group which specifically address alcoholics. You see, alcoholics would like to think their addiction is different than others, some even think “higher” (no pun intended) than substance abuse users are seen in a “lower” position. But the truth of the matter is, whether one’s addiction is to: sex, pornography, cigarettes, cocaine, Internet or Facebook, and I’ve experienced all of these, I can tell you the common thread is the same, despite the vehicle which you use. They will all destroy your lives. Some slower, some faster, but the end result is the same.
I had to explain how my addiction, notice the operative word, “my” which shows possession, is very real. She can never come first or have the highest priority while “my” addiction is alive and active, in fact, she can’t even come as a close second! She will be isolated, ignored and sometimes just plain, old mistreated if she’s found to be a threat against my first love—and it ain’t her! Harsh words, it may sound, but to an addict, it is the reality and to the one who loves them, will soon learn it IS the reality. The faster they come to accept this, too, and this is, “I’m married to an addict”, the sooner they, too, will come to their own recovery, better word, restoration. People who tend to use the word, “recovery” see this as a lifelong principle, but the truth is, it doesn’t have to be. However, when one is “restored”, it means there is an ending point, and there is, when it comes to addiction. It’s the difference between allowing God to get involved or not.
So, what is her lot? She can go through the hell of my addiction or choose not to do so. Loving people tend to go through because, thankfully, they hold us addicts together when we are not able to do so. By contrast of their lives, it gives ours hope. However, I have counseled her to find a hobby or other interests which will give her purpose because when an addict is in full-blown mode, there is no time for your presence, your soothing words or love.
Addiction is not a game. It is very serious business. In essence, it is similar to living with someone who is dead. There is no response and any response given is negative. However, there is hope because all those addictions I’ve recounted are in “my”, I take possession again, “MY” past, and I’m glad I am able to leave them there. So, I look forward when this new addiction will find its place in my past, but until it does, it’ll, I’ll, she’ll, you’ll have to take this journey, too.
March 7, 2016