For twenty years this journey through life has been documented. It all stemmed from that day when I asked God to reveal Himself to me. He has. I didn’t know what to expect when I prayed that prayer but today, I have no regrets. It seem so proper and fitting I should be writing this last chapter , today, October 4, 2007 about 10:16, within the hour of the actual time of my birth in 1956. It seems so fitting although I’m still waiting to hear from Probation.
There’s not an ending to this story because I still live and God still has work on me to complete and there’s still something, I believe, He wishes for me to do. I believe this.
When I began writing this book in 1994, it was a thought the book would end with my doing something really great and receive such accolades from notable celebrities. Then I am quickly reminded when God spoke to me and simply said,
“Could it be enough I was just saving you?”
Well, perhaps there is another book in the making although I pray it doesn’t include chapters similar to the ones I’ve already written, no more “going back” to anything, but a “going forward” to the time when these eyes see Jesus whether in translation or resurrection. I believe in Him today because I’ve seen how He’s provided in my life. My asking Him to reveal Himself to me could only take place before I would later ask Him to “save” me. You cannot ask anyone to do anything for you unless you know who that person is. I know Him today.
I can say I believe there is a calling on my life—now. That which I thought I heard in 1973 is now a reality in 2007. Instead of going to classes of an accredited university, I’ve been a student attending the University of Life, finished my undergraduate work and now soon to begin my graduate work. I think that is what is ahead of me for these next ten years or so. After, perhaps my “post” graduate work will be at that “post” where my Savior died, for me. He hung there, for me. What I went through these years is nothing compared to what He’s gone through, for me and still going through as I fumble through this life wanting to make sense of it all.
Today, I have a desire to reconcile with my parents. Today, I have a desire to begin attending church services. Today, I have a desire to let God have full and complete control of my life and put away this life of sin, this destructive life which was so apparent for so many years in my life. Sure, I haven’t a clue about tomorrow, but I’m not afraid anymore because I carry some man-made ranking regarding some criminal activity of yesterday. I know He is able to bless me and receive praise as a result. I’m going to give Him that praise, as I see walls knocked down and find myself a catalyst being used to see men and women who are yet still walking those streets wishing for death, so there can be rest, just as I did and I remember. I remember. Oh, how I remember.
Yesterday I called Hosanna Ministries and spoke with Bro. Barry. In my heart I was hoping to hear him say to come be with them. They’ve been a constant for all these years in being a help to those, who still struggled with addictions, coming off the street in a crisis condition. I learned his father has since past away. I wrote an email to Bro. Ricky at Pivot Ministries, with the same longing to hear someone say to me, come on over and help us. It’s what I want now, but I do believe I’ll be headed south instead. First to reconcile with family, meet with friends and then begin a life God planned for me long before I was born. What I went through was not for no reason at all. I’ll be used, for sure, and someone, somewhere is going to benefit by my now wanting and desiring to be used by Him. I’m willing.
I thought I would have a whole lot of words for this chapter, but I don’t. It’s simply to say: Thank You, Lord, for showing me who You are. Now, perhaps show me who I am to You!