Chapter 8. Worrying—Letting It Go

I never realized I had an issue with worrying especially during the time I was worrying!  Yes.  I was too busy worrying to recognize I had a problem with worrying.  Worry can so consume us we’re able to function normally—yet, nothing has ever been accomplished by the very act of, “worrying”.  Think about it. What have you ever achieved, positively, due to worry?  Not one thing!

While undergoing my major first experience being incarcerated in Puerto Rico, I worried about my then wife, Mayra.  I could not get word to her from the date of my arrest, her birthday, September 11th until I was placed in, “Population” in the latter half of October!  I worried because of my fear of what she might be thinking, living and would do as a result of my arrest.  Yet, it was God who told me one week before the arrest I had, “lost her already”, meaning God wanted me to recognize the relationship was over, plus the second night in isolation, He specifically told me to, “give her to Me”, meaning to let her go; all my dreams, my hopes and my goals regarding her.  Yet, with all these prior statements given me, regarding her, I could not let it be and caused myself a lot of anguish, never mind problems.

The same concern with worry would arise eight years later during this incarceration.  In the beginning during time spent in county later being transported to the state facility, I struggled, with worry, regarding my personal items.  My cell phone and wallet I felt I could not lose, or replace, after my eventual release.  My worrying would flow to others to ensure these items were recovered and secured.  I had very little peace, if any, until I received notification they were retrieved from the county jail.

During your time inside the wall, you must learn, as I have had to learn, God is in control.  If you have been able to communicate with someone to assist you in whatever area of concern, you need to let it go.  If you do not have anyone who is willing to help you regarding those personal things you have left behind, you need to let it go. You have to begin to trust your friends, if you have them but most importantly God has your back in whatever needs to be done.  If there are some things which are lost, He has chosen to replace them with something better and this could mean anything you might have felt as irreplaceable, even family and friends!

There’s an old adage, “If you are worrying, you’re not worshiping” and it is true.  If you are worshiping God, you are not able to worry.  It’s impossible.  Being worried over some thing or matter in your life simply means you are not trusting God is capable of managing your affairs!  After all, why do you think you have what you have?  Can He not give that or more?  What’s there to worry about then?

I believe this is one of many reasons why we are brought here, one of them, to begin to reveal what either is or is not in your heart.  I’ve dealt with the problem enough now to learn how not to let it affect me, especially to the degree it has before.  Whenever I get in those moments when a thought is causing more than enough concern, I needed to put it in its proper place.  For example, the enemy tries to get me all worked up regarding being a felon and I want to relocate to another country after this bid.  Will my passport be affected?  Will my IBM pension be enough to live on?  Will my fiancée and I really be able to marry and be successful, etc., etc., etc.  I have learned to push those thoughts aside with knowing nothing I can do today, though worry, will resolve or provide any solution.  I’ve got at least a year before any of those issues need to be addressed, so why let it be a concern today?  I only have, “today” to be concerned about.  Truth be told, I might die today, tomorrow or next week and what would it have been worth to worry about something I would never have had to experience?  Not a blooming thing!

God has not brought you here for you to worry about anything He’s already taken care of.  Whether it be your family, employment, housing or personal property, God has you best interest in mind and one thing you should know:  God will never let you down.  Keep your focus on Him.

Chapter 9

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