Chapter 25. Fear

“I will not be fearful of man.”

This subject fits in line with the previous two chapters dealing with, “Snitching” and, “Admission”.

When I began this bid in the prison setting, I had an experience with a sergeant, the very one I mentioned in the previous chapter, who, coincidentally he and I share the same last name.  I was given a top bunk and reported to the Dorm Officer I could not sleep there due to my fear of heights.  The officer sought to place me but had to inform this sergeant of the dilemma.  Sergeant Martin said he would, “order” me to take the bunk should I not be able to get an exemption from Medical.  I respectfully informed the sergeant whether Medical would give me an exemption or not would not change my fear, therefore perhaps he should make arrangements for me to sleep in, “The Box” where I know they did not have any bunk beds.  I was given not only a bottom bunk but my own cube bypassing the normal procedures.  Two months later, Medical determined I would “not” have a top bunk, not due to my fear of heights but because of chronic back pain probably due to scoliosis of the spine, they’d x-rayed and determined!  Through this episode I learned of a physical problem because I would not allow myself to fear what man could due or threaten.

The opening statement is an affirmative one I quote most mornings while on this bid.  It has helped me to stand tall not only to the prison staff but inmates alike when situations arise and I find myself complicit.  I do not have to fear any man because of the relationship I have with God.  I will and have determined to:

  1. Not put myself in conflict,
  2. Resolve it peacefully, respectfully and humbly even if it means walking away especially when egos are concerned. 

I believe nearly all fights are due to pride where egos are threatened and win or lose, some sort of respect is earned.  To me, this is foolishness.  I will use my hands to ward off blows, but I believe and have seen God more than capable of defending me from those who would seek harm to me.

To be fearful carries no shame, for it has helped me to learn with whom I should associate or not.  If pressure should arise say in the television room, it is best for me to remove myself than to allow my voice to continue in the argument.

So, use fear as something constructive to help keep you from being involved in altercations, not as the catalyst.

Chapter 26

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