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In 1989 when I first tried the drug which would change the whole course of my life from what I had ever known, two years later I would return to the same room and made the pronouncement either I would overcome this thing or it would kill me.  For several weeks, I allowed myself to be abused by it until I had to move on because of paranoia and would find other places to use.  Years later, in 2009, I would stand in front of that room and recognize I did win and not Death.  Although I would try several times to assist Death in taking me, there was a Higher Purpose who would not allow for it to overstep its bounds.  So, it’s not so much I won as much as “we” won.

I will walk those streets now just as I have walked the streets of Poughkeepsie to have those memories which have been in me released.  Some will say I’m very nostalgic and put too much power in the past, but it is our past which has determined our future.  For some, the future is muted because our present is still bound up in the past.  There is something which has to end, in me, which will catapult me forward.  I wonder where all the people have gone who I spent so much time with, that hot summer of 1991, when I thought there was nothing else in my life worth saving — even me.

But thank God there was Someone who could see the future when I could only see the moment.


We spend so much time and effort thinking this is such a great battle, when it is merely a small war in our lives, which has already been won.