What He did for others He is doing the same for us. It is very important as you continue along this journey of clean-living to speak with those who are down the road a bit further and get them to share with you their experience. By being observant and listening it will keep anxiety from building and then disappointment.
At the same time you must come to this understanding, “God does not owe you anything”. You are not entitled to choice blessings because of anything you have done. Your experience of being, “out there” does not qualify you for any exclusive privileges with God. You must not allow pride to enter in this time of your life otherwise it will be to your detriment. God is giving to those a little more or a little less and whatever He has given to you, presently, be content.
Everyone who has ever been created has been designed with a task. This is the reason why so many of us live lives unfulfilled because we haven’t determined what it is we have been created for. We need to understand what it is, otherwise you will continue to float along life and never reach true happiness and joy. Spend time with God in a quiet place and ask Him to direct your path so you will no longer be stumbling around trying to find fulfillment. He knows exactly why He made you. He wants nothing more than you to find total fulfillment in this life, so let Him bring it about.
Later, I will speak more about spending quality time with Him, but for now suffice it to say if you haven’t designated some part of the day where it’s just you and Him doing some one-on-one time, then you are definitely not progressing toward achieving the goal of fulfillment. You need to do this. It needs to happen like right now. Where can you go, right now, where it is peaceful and quiet and just shut everything down for whatever time it takes to dialogue with God?
Don’t waste any more time spinning wheels, have a direction in which to go.