I’ve committed myself to refrain from using illegal substances and live a life in accordance to what is good and proper. Now, this may sound wonderful, and it is, but to actually follow through especially after having lived on the other side makes it difficult. What does help, this commitment of mine is the accountability I’ve placed myself under.
I have good friends with whom I can talk about anything. Yet, when I do share with them of my feelings of wanting to use, it is basically only after the feeling has dissipated. I really don’t discuss it with them when I’m in the throes of the urge because “if” I should find myself, “out there”, I really don’t want the paranoia of thinking they’re, “out there” to rescue me. I really don’t want them to know. So, what keeps me from crossing the line? Accountability.
Accountability to several sources. For one, I’m accountable to myself. I do not want to experience the painful hardship I know too well. Accountability to my friends. I don’t want to let them down and suffer pain knowing their good friend has succumbed to the past life. Accountability to my livelihood. I’ve maintained a good character, punctuality and level of competence which I know will be threatened if I returned to using. Accountability to God goes without saying, but the one factor of accountability which keeps me on the right path is the one I have with you. During the writing of this book, as I suffered greatly from the urges, here I’m writing this daily bit of encouragement, glimpses of my life and my thoughts and I really don’t want to share a thought of failure. I don’t want to fail you and wish to give you the same thing I have—hope of overcoming which held us down for so long. So, you are doing this for me as I am doing this labor of love for you.
Commitment to each other is helping each other.