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There were so many times when I tried to give up my addiction.  I prayed asking for help.  I believed on many occasions I was healed and yet fell back into addiction and struggled wondering why.  Over and over and over again I went through this experience.  It would be many years later I would understand what was going on.   I would come to understand the cessation of my not using would be God’s doing—not mine.  Sure, I would have to develop the “will” not to want to use, but the ability to “stop” using would be His work.  By understanding this, I came to realize I cannot do anything without Him.  No matter how much I may want, or try, or plan, if God is not involved, actively involved, then there cannot be any achievement, at all.

Thinking this is what helps me to remain sober today.  If I go, “out there”, just once, He can pull back the grace I’m enjoying today and no matter how I may want to stop, remembering even my current sobriety, there’s nothing which can keep me from falling again and again and again, except Him.  It is not persons, places or things.  It isn’t court-mandated treatment.  It isn’t the loss of jobs, family and friends again.

It’s God.

God is the only reason why I stand today, and, the lack of Him in my life, will be the only reason why I would fall.

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