An old friend, probably with good intentions asked, “When was the last time you used?” I responded, “When was the last time you thought about having sex with someone who wasn’t your husband!” An older woman whose children are my age, who’ve known me since my teens and probably consider me as one of her own, was a bit taken aback at my response, but I did it for a purpose. When someone suffered as we have asks, it is asked because we care and can gauge where they are in their walk. Someone who’s never experienced addiction, of this nature, usually asks out of fear or judgment to be made according to some unproven scale of measure.
I’ve heard it said if you haven’t been sober for a year, two years, five years, then you haven’t really achieved sobriety. The truth is, if you haven’t used in the past hour, you’re doing pretty good. Don’t judge me based upon some scale which is an average including variables. Perhaps I’m one of those variables and you begin treating me as an average and it won’t fit! Your thoughts regarding me will not be accurate.
So, to my friend and others who see themselves having done the same thing, when you meet someone, like me, who’s on this trip of sobriety, just ask us, “When’s the last time you’ve prayed?” It comes across much better. Other than that, you’re just being plain nosy.
When we ask others about their walk, let our motivation and intent be a genuine one of interest,
Not of judgment.