, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Today as I looked across the river, the river I had to cross where I know I was sure to find the drug of my choice, I sat on the bench and gave praise and thanks for not having made a failure of my sobriety.  I was so grateful instead of praying for repentance, I was giving praise for having listened to God’s Spirit providing the strength needed.  Even as I looked, He protected me by not allowing me to see the evil which certainly was apparently, “out there” in front of my eyes, to give me more time for introspection, so I might see the evil which continually lives within my heart.

I know, without a doubt, what He has given to me in overcoming addiction is truth.  I know I am healed.  I know I am not an addict.   I know I cannot ever, nor ever think I would be justified in returning to a life He has freed me.  I also know “if” I should ever return it is not because what He has given me failed or He failed.  It is because “I” failed to live up to His truth, its strength of keeping me from having returned.    Oh, why do I dwell upon the hardship that is instead of the joy which should be?  Human?  Perhaps, but it is not an excuse.

I know without a doubt, the pain, the correction and chastisement I experience today is because He loves me.  He cares so much for me He does keep me in line and I have to understand this is His way of loving me.  I should not seek to stop it but to acknowledge it and accept it.  He does not punish unfairly and when it has achieved its goal it will end and I can continue going forward without the discomfort I feel today.  The key is “going forward”.  Thankfully, today I pray a prayer of praise and so thankful it is not one of regret and repentance.

If you must pray, let the prayer be one of praise…

Not one of regret.