Actually, it’s been all week I’ve thought about picking up. During the weekend, I began to formulate a plan: where I would go, how much money I would take, how long I would plan to be gone, how to avoid detection, how to salvage what was left behind. Today, the Sabbath, I did not go to church. I thought perhaps if I had gone the thoughts would go away, but I also know the truth about this. It doesn’t. Church has little to do with it except if you really want to use, it just delays the timing of the first usage. So, instead, I struggled with what I wanted—really wanted. And it was not drugs.
I made a statement once to a member of a N.A. association whenever I needed a meeting or wanted to talk to my “sponsor”, I would just fall on my knees. So, instead, I had a talk with my “Sponsor—Jesus” and had a meeting with Him. I told Him I really didn’t want to do this and I certainly could use His support in this time of struggle.
What He told me was what I already knew. I didn’t have to do it because that life is already past. I know addiction doesn’t have the hold on me it once did “unless” I wanted, because I was set free. So, instead of acting upon something which was not mine anymore—addiction, I acted upon what I did have today—freedom.
The struggle is over, again.
Just when you think your struggle won’t last, and everything you worked for is past, try Jesus.