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If I could go back to that fateful day when my curiosity had gotten the better of me and could change the first time I used that drug, I would do it.  Since then life has been not good.  I cannot find suitable work because of a felonious record.  I am not able to provide preferred housing and eat the way I’d like because of not having work.  Each day, since that fateful day, has produced ripples which are still felt, destroyed relationships with family and friends, despondency and depression, and life now is just making it through the day looking forward to that other day when this battle will be over for me.  I’m not talking about heaven, but death.

If anything, I’m grateful my addiction began in my later years because I could not imagine suffering in this way beginning in my teens or twenties.  But, I go on. This is the plight of someone who chose drugs and alcohol.  The first time was a choice but afterward the ability to choose was taken away because this is what addiction is all about, not being able to choose.  So, you go on as long as you’re physically able until your abused heart grants you peace and stops; or, divine intervention blesses you with an opportunity to reverse the fast moving train and slows it down enough for you to be able to get off, and you began walking back from where you’ve traveled, but the walk is often filled with hardship because once you get to where you started, everything has changed from those you’ve known who you are, and your expectations do not occur.  But, you go on.

We go on despite the hardship because we learn to grasp onto something which gives us motivation—Christ.  That difficult walk up Golgotha’s hill, carrying that wooden cross, so heavy upon a back so torn was for me.  So, now the one I carry, which is mine, is for Him and I listen carefully because when I feel like giving up I hear Him whispering in my ear:  “No matter how bad it gets and want to stop, we go on.  We go on.”

Don’t be afraid of tomorrow, God is already there.

Vikki Blossom & Roy