Relationship or Toleration?

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I continued wondering regarding relationships, if I am impaired in being able to have one or if “toleration” is what people have for me.  I posed the question to a good friend but it was not a good question because what I needed to know could only come from someone I had an inter-personal relationship.  In this respect, I do believe others have been tolerant of me.  So, I asked God to help me to have an understanding of relationships and then permit me to have one.  He kept asking, “Are you sure?  Are you sure this is what you want?”  It is my belief when we have developed a relationship with God, and now I believe I have, and Him answering my prayer twenty-two years ago of “Prove Who You are”; once this is accomplished it must now be extended to others whether platonic or inter-personal.  God answered my prayer in a way I had no idea and so quickly, too; in a matter of hours.

Interpersonal relationships will have its difficulties.  I just shared mine occurring with my friend and this is what prompted the recent devotionals.  I left it in God’s hand to help me to understand what having a relationship is and He answered the question by having my friend surprise me later in the day, when the air was cleared, to answer the question I posed to her several days ago regarding developing a relationship, and she has taken it further by engaging herself to me in marriage!

I don’t know what to expect but this one thing I do know:  Whatever God brings into our path is for our good and it is always done in love.  I know prayer works and in order to live complete and satisfactory lives, after our addiction has been healed, we need not fear returning to the world which has been going on continually despite our addiction and it is time for us to rejoin it with relationships which will complete life in a fulfilling and enjoyable manner.  Pray and ask Him to help you to have the same, if this is His will for you.

God determined it is not good for man to be alone, And I think He would be the best one to know this.

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I Wanted to Smoke Crack!

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Yesterday, I mentioned choosing relationship over death.  When you have come through the addiction stage, because you will, then and only then you begin to have choices.  Let me re-emphasize this:  When you are in addiction your choices have been taken away.  That’s why it’s called “addiction”.  Unless God creates circumstances providentially and you are willing to accept then He moves people, places and things into your path to provide healing.  So, in choosing a relationship yesterday, I immediately became frustrated interacting with her which made me rethink would this be best for me?  I was so disappointed and frustrated my words were misunderstood I wrote on my social networking site:  “Why must relationships be so difficult? Why do words get in the way? Why must there be hidden messages not in what is said but in how it is received?”  So, yes, for a moment I wanted to resort to a past behavior but I did not.

Today I have the ability and opportunity of choosing again.  A dear friend asked me yesterday, “When did you know you were finish and never would do drugs again?”  I had to think about it because I was never asked such.  I shared with her that as long as there is breath in my body, there will always be a chance I could fall.  This would apply with any sin.  We have no idea of the cunningness and strength of the enemy we’re dealing with.  He wants nothing else than to see us fail.  It’s really not about us.  This war is really about Christ and the devil uses us to get to Him.

So, when you have reached a level of clean-living in your life and you’re opening yourself to consider having a loving relationship and suddenly it goes downward, you must remember to continue looking upward because this is where your strength comes from.  This is something you are now able to choose to do and cannot use addiction as an excuse.

God is the good Shepherd who comes for His sheep.  Those who come to Him, their clean-living they will keep.

Vikki Blossom

Choice Between Death or Relationships

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I am confronted by two circumstances to write today, between someone who has died recently because of addiction or of a new relationship which is developing in my life.  Christ, while choosing who would follow Him made a very poignant statement to someone who wanted time to handle a family matter, “The dead will bury the dead.”  So, I choose to encourage you today with a relationship developing in my life and not speak of the ending of life.

As a former addict considering a relationship is a very serious matter.  You are bringing someone into your sphere where much pain not only lies behind but all of the rejection others may carry toward you, and the difficulties ahead, will have to become a part of this relationship.  It is not “if” the person you will become involved with is able to handle it but are you able to carry them with a positive attitude and demeanor knowing going backward is not an option?  You have seen what an addiction has done to previous relationships and should be considered an expert, so are you willing to build a new one and cherish it?  Dark days will occur but are you able to look through the clouds and still see the sun?

You have a choice between letting your past control you and your future; or, you can allow your future be the end result of the education of your past.  Saying “good-bye” to what you have known will give you the opportunity of saying “hello” to what remains to be seen without impureness to pollute whatever good will come into your life.  We have been through a lot.  No one can say we haven’t but at the end of it all we, too, deserve happiness which can only be found in a loving relationship.  This is my time to step up to the plate to make the choice whether or not I will be a part of something wonderful or will I continue to mourn that which I have lost?  I choose life.

If anything gets buried today and stay buried, then let it be addiction and all it meant.

Shopping in Faith

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The last two times I went shopping it was with a newly found friend with whom God has given me favor.  Having escorted her to the store she forbade me to pay for my own food, which was a tremendous blessing.  Today, I went alone and although my circumstances are a bit darker because I’m not receiving any income at all, as I strolled through the aisles thinking of being frugal, God was telling me, “Get what you want.  How can you believe I will bless you if you are afraid of getting what you normally would purchase?  Why not let Me shop with you today and pay for your purchases?”  In other words, God was making it clear, if I really trusted Him, then live life normally believing He will supply all of my needs.  So, I did.  I got those things I needed without holding back.

When you make the decision to come to God, you know He doesn’t hold back on doing whatever it takes to reach you and bring you into a closer relationship with Him.  Trusting Him will take form in many ways.  He will require you to go beyond what you consider your means so He can provide His means to sustain you.  If you pinch and scrutinize every penny, it means you’re not opening yourself to the wealth of God.  He cannot put anything in your pocket when you’ve closed your pocket trying to keep what little you have!

As an addict you shopped in those mean streets believing you would find the good stuff; shouldn’t you now have the same faith but exponentially increased knowing He is better than the enemy we once served?  This is not something I am speaking as a result of past experience or theory by reading a book.  This is something I am living through now which I offer you for your own encouragement.  Let’s together step out on faith and see what happens.

God sees what I need even before I can ask.  He answers so simply and finishes each task.

Vikki Blossom

Tears of Refreshing

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Yesterday, (written in 2009) while I sat in the pulpit waiting for my time to begin sharing, I began to cry.  When I saw my name posted on the church’s monitors as the speaker for the service, my thoughts went back to that day, twenty-five years ago, when I left the church and God.  I thought how I couldn’t see this day “then”, and all the people I met on my journey that have died on this trip, but I was blessed to be able to make it back; and seeing the people waiting upon me to receive what I have experienced, made me cry.  I couldn’t help myself.  Tears just flowed and it was quite noticeable and when they were finished, I was able to speak clearly and forcefully about what God had done for me.

Today I just finished sharing on a radio program the same message from yesterday about how God is more than capable of healing all manner of addictions.  I thought about you who I will never meet yet are somehow being directed to these words, just as a young lady called in saying she was going up the dial trying to find a Christian program and listened to my broadcast.  We never know who is being affected by any and every opportunity we have to share.  We must never take it for granted our being recovered, as we must never take it for granted we have a responsibility for the recovery of others.

I’ve learned to let go of the, “tough guy”, “New Yorker” attitude and allow myself to feel my emotions and I think wherever I might go to tell the story of my redemption, tears will flow freely.  There is an old saying, “Big boys don’t cry”; well, I’m not a big boy anymore but a man who’s able to be honest with myself, and others, and if it means having a good cry, from to time, then I will.  It’s not only tears for me but tears for those of you, too, who are still, “out there”.

It is said, the Holy Spirit collects tears. Is there a drought in the bottle with your name?

I Will Restore Unto You the Years Lost

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Today is the day of beginnings.  Actually in a few hours (written in 2009) the promise God made to me which I have held onto these many years is coming to fruition.  I left the pulpit because I lost my faith and didn’t know God personally, except in theory and this was twenty-five years ago!  Today, I know Him as my personal Savior and have a message no one else can tell of what He has done for me.  When I was in Christian drug ministry for treatment in 1993, the assistant director told me, “Your time will come, but it is not now.  You must rest and get well.”  Today, in a couple of hours I will resume my rightful place, in the pulpit, but also in life as a man of God.

It doesn’t matter what you might have done and the egregiousness of your sin.  God has forgiveness for you.  It doesn’t matter what others may think of you or call you.  God calls you His, “Son” or “Daughter” and you have to go forward in this knowledge, He has called you from the life you lived, maintained your life whereas others who were with you may now be dead, but you are here to give a message no other can give but you.  If you hadn’t feared what could have happened to you while, “out there”, today is not the day to fear going forward into a beautiful and waiting life.

We each have a new mission before us.  This is the glory God deserves when we can stand in the midst of others as evidence God can heal addictions.  This is the beginning of new life, the second birth spoken by Christ when He told Nicodemus, “You must be born again.”  Today, restoration begins and the past is left only as a story to tell, not one to live again.

Beginning is not necessarily a new start, just an ending of a bad choice.


I’m Bringing a Rock!

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I heard a complaint, before speaking to a congregation tomorrow; someone felt I shouldn’t be permitted to share my story because of the things I have done and the pulpit is considered sacred.  A good friend of mine had to remind this individual, “everyone” having stood behind it previously is guilty of sin!  So, in keeping with the words of Jesus, I’ve decided to bring a rock and will display it prior to my message so if anyone there is without sin, they’re free to throw it at me.

As former addicts, murderers, sex offenders, whatever may be your past you will be given an opportunity of sharing how God brought you through a very difficult time.  The purpose of it is to witness the power of God and give hope and encouragement to those who either are caught in the web of sin or know someone who is.  The more aggravating the offense the more demonstrative power of God should be recognized and He has said Himself, “The man who is ashamed to share what God has done for him, Christ will be ashamed to own you before His Father.”  I cannot be ashamed.  Not anymore.

Not everyone will accept your being welcomed back home.  There will be those who will dislike you, even hate you, not so much of what you have done to them as much as what they’ve done to themselves; however, never let this be the discouragement to make you stop.  From all we have suffered as addicts, the pain and disappointments, these future slights should only be evidence we’re on the right track.  After all, they nailed Jesus to a cross so what did you expect they’d do to those who follow Him?  Head up, shoulders back and tell the story of your life which no one else can do as well as you.  God will be smiling.

The pain and suffering addiction brought me, reminds me to be thankful, every day, I am now free.

Vikki Blossom

You Are Not Alone

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While walking to the corner deli to get my favorite breakfast sandwich this thought occurred to me, “You are not alone.  I am with you and can this be enough?”  It seems of recent I’ve been dealing with many women who are lamenting the fact they are alone and miss a man.  I’m in the opposite boat because I am “alone” and I miss having a good woman in my life, too.  I miss the contact, the affection, the loving words and well, the just plain old love.  Yet God would walk with me this morning and assure me He is enough for me.

God removes people from our lives because we put too much emphasis on them to the point we are destroying ourselves and missing the pure relationship He brings.  Originally, all man needed was Him but in kindness He created a mate whereby the demonstration of His love can be magnified.  It is a wonderful gift until it gets in the way.  We allow our senses to overrule our sense!  So, sadly God permits the enemy to have his way in our lives so it will produce one purpose, yet so many seem to miss, to draw us closer to Him.  Disappointments are for that purpose only, to draw us closer to God.

In those quiet times when you’re eating alone, sleeping alone, and relaxing alone remember there is Someone who is right there who desires to spend this time with you.  He has the ability to provide comfort and companionship the opposite sex cannot come close in providing you; however, you must want this.  He loves you so dearly and desires to have a relationship with you so He can once again give you “the desires of your heart.”

 

To be alone and lonely are two different situations.  When you have both then you have a sad existence.

We Don’t Know What We Need Until…

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…difficulties spring up in our lives.  Many years ago when I was living in security and as many would testify, living in the “lap of luxury”, I had an experience which would place me where I am today.  I thought I had it all.  I no longer envision any challenges ahead of me.  I was content and thought I could die and would not have missed anything more.  I was so busy looking at “me” I lost my faith in God, if I had any at all.  I challenged God to prove Himself to me, but do not touch two things: my “health” and my “wallet”.  Two years later, I would become addicted to crack cocaine!  And we know what effects this drug has on our health and our wallets.

God had to get me to a place where all those things I found comfort and security away from me.  Those things had now become my god and didn’t leave very much room for Him.  Slowly, those gods disappeared and along with it my desire to live knowing this time if I died I would die a lost man for eternity.  I began to learn the one thing I didn’t have when things went well was a Savior.  Now, I needed a Savior and I’m thankful He permitted me to go into those hardships I deal with, even today, because unless they came about, I would still be lost and wouldn’t know it.

Many wonder why God permits bad things to happen.  Well, because those bad things are invitations given to everyone to recognize there is Someone who is waiting to be invited into their lives, who can bring contentment during a storm.  Whether you’re an addict or friends and family of an addict, God only allowed this to happen in your life so you will come to realize how much He wants to save you from your pain, and many times your “self”.  Our “selves” get into the way and God need us to begin focusing on Him and not the circumstances of our lives.

 

Faith and hope is in each one of us.  Draw near to God for He’s the One to trust.

Vikki Blossom

We Have What We Choose to Hold Onto

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Speaking with a new friend, she mentioned having quite a bit of negativism in her life and not knowing how to let go and how it was affecting her.  Within her own diatribe was the answer when she stated, “I don’t know how to let go.”  I replied to her, unless you are able to let go of present situations you will never be able to hold onto the positive which is quite apparent in your life.  This applies to each of us.  I have held onto bitterness, anger and pain for many years toward people in my life and as a result there have been failed relationships.  I choose to let go of them—not the relationship but the negativity.

As an addict, or family and friend of an addict, the same step must be taken in order to recover, perhaps the better word is “salvage”, whatever remain from this type of relationship.  First, the addict must “let go” of whatever feeling, enjoyment regarding the addiction realizing it is not real.  Whatever you got from the first time using is it!  There isn’t a higher place to go.  Those who love addicts must “let go” of the disappointment, hurt and anxieties associated with them so you can begin to appreciate them when they’ve made the choice to come back.  One cannot “come back” if there isn’t a place, whether physical or in your heart, to “come back” to.

Whatever we’re suffering with or from, it is mostly because we don’t know how to let go of whatever it is we’re holding.  God has said to throw, the definition of the word “cast”, to throw all of our burdens to Him.  Why then do you choose to hold onto any one of them?  When you throw something, it means away from you.  Let’s begin, today, to “let go” and “throw” whatever is disturbing us to the One who can safely handle it and have a little joy in our lives.

 

Let go and let God.