He Tells Us

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Last night, it came as a thought.  God spoke to me, telling me He doesn’t want me to do something which disturbs the relationship between us.  It, the thought, came without questioning whether it was a word from Him, because I know what I’ve been doing does present a problem, a break, if you will, between Him and me.

When the new day dawn and I was able to be up and about, and the behavior God spoke to me earlier rose within me.  I began doing what He told me not to do and when in a moment of clear-mindedness, I was able to pull away, for a moment, to begin to do what is positive I read yesterday’s devotion, as I was editing this book.  I came away with the belief, what I was doing was causing God pain.  I love Him, so why would I want to do this?  He’s shared with me His feelings, which are now a part of my own.  So, I stopped the activity.

I then came to this day and found it was a repeat of yesterday.  In other words, it was giving me an opportunity to write something for today which was based on yesterday, although the writing would be about four years apart!

That’s the wonderfulness of God.  What may seem like years is only a day, and what seems like a day, could be years, but the one thing consistent is God and what He tells us.  He never changes, no matter the times.

Whatever God tells us, is worth listening.

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Pain

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Whether you are an addict, recovering addict, recovered addict, family or friend of an addict, or involved with an addict but not considered family or friend, there is one consistent thread which seems to run through each of us and this is:  Pain.  There is nothing so uncomfortable which causes irrational behavior as unresolved pain.  Pain is the core of all of our problems and we need to recognize this and find healing so we may move forward and have a productive life, even if it means leaving pain in the form of a person, if this is the cause of our pain.

Yet, I am conflicted.  I experienced two telephone calls from a loved one which resulted in painful endings; however, on the third attempt the call was filled with affirmative statements and laughter.  The original pain was wiped away and replaced with a soothing balm as a result of patience, love and understanding but more so from a willingness to honor a commitment.  I could have chosen to safeguard my feelings and emotions and not been made vulnerable for the third call, by holding onto the pain which would have prevented the eventual pleasant call to follow.  Only one question was asked and answered after the second call: What would God do?  Answering the question properly allowed me to experience happiness.

No one can determine what you need to do regarding any matter which is causing pain in your life.  No one knows the deeper issue of relationship between you and the person causing you pain, but I know this, God is fully is aware of what you are going through and just as I took time to listen to Him offer me an opportunity to be like Him or remain as myself, I was able to make a choice which provided relief from the pain.  Pain is a given but remaining in pain is a choice.  This is the solution to pain; exercising our choice as to how we will handle it.

When we are having a moment of pain, it becomes necessary to remember, it should only be a painful moment—not life.

Praying for Direction

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I spent time meeting with people I don’t know, discussing a plan I’m not sure of, about people who I couldn’t possibly know!  Yet, in all of the uncertainties mentioned, there is One who does know the answers.  After the meeting, I walked away a bit flustered wondering, “God, are You really calling me to this ministry or am I making a mistake?”  It doesn’t help planning for a “ready-made family” pending.  I don’t know how I am going to accomplish all which seems to be in front of me.  I need help.  Or, is it I need “faith”?

There is no doubt I need to take the advice I’ve given and heard so many times before:  Stop looking at “self” and look to “God”.  I know I am unable to handle all of these important matters which are coming at me at one time.  Why not leave it in the hands of Someone who handles all of the world’s affairs, AT ONE TIME!  Incredible, isn’t it?  I know He has not brought me to this place without having a plan put into motion.  It is just I am not able to see it yet but a year from now I will look backward and see how He set everything in place; but, it begins with submitting my life into His hands and admitting, I don’t know how to do this.

There is no shame, guilt or embarrassment you need to admit when you come to the same crossroad in your life.  There is a reason for shame, guilt and embarrassment when you don’t consult with the One who has the answers.  He doesn’t want you to fail especially when it involves the lives of others.  Shall we stop focusing on our inability and more on God’s ability and leave the matter with Him?

God is truly the only solution for me.

He completes me.

Vikki Blossom & Roy

Relationship Ended My Addiction

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When I’m asked what it was that cured me of my addiction, I always tell them, “God”.  It was not a rehab or drug ministry.  Those were various tools He employed to work on my behalf, but it was really what we developed together between us: a relationship.  We shared time together and He taught me a lot about who I was and I shared with Him a lot about who He was to me.  In this time of sharing and caring, I became so attached to Him I was able to accept His help and listen to Him when He spoke.  Many times, I would hear Him implore me not to do something because it would hurt Him.  I didn’t want to hurt Him since I had acknowledged hurting Him so many times before.

When you are in love with someone you want for their best.  You do not want to go out of your way to cause them pain.  The same goes for God.  He loves me so much He doesn’t want to cause me any pain and has gone out of His way to ensure my happiness.  It’s a relationship.  We work together—daily to overcome difficulties.  I cannot always see them coming in my direction, but He does, and He prepares me for when they arrive so I have confidence I am not alone in it, and whatever is happening in my life, I have been prepared to deal with it.

Whether you are an addict and getting well or you are a friend or loved one of an addict, you know your relationship has been deeply affected by what has occurred.  No matter what has happened know you are not going through this experience alone but you have God who’s quite aware of what is happening, and has made a way to ease the burden, but you must turn to Him and acknowledge His presence, His involvement in your life.  He cannot act if we don’t permit Him to get involved because it would be violating the rules of relationships.  The rule is simply this: we do things together.  You must invite Him and you will find Him a welcomed guest.

It is not me and He and you.  It is, “us”.

An Engaging Evening

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I experienced a taste of the future.  We called it, “Movie Night” and popcorn was popped, thick blanket placed on the floor as we sat, ate popcorn and watched a movie.  I had seen the movie before so I was watching them, my “engaged” family-to-be; eleven and thirteen-year-old daughters and their Mom, together in warmth, making memories.  While sitting there I was remembering the times I sat in crack-houses and not expecting anything better than what I was doing, oftentimes wishing to die.  I knew happiness was possible but it was not going to happen for me.  I dreamed what I was experiencing as a possibility but I had thrown my life away and did not feel I was deserving of any good thing, until now.

Addiction robs us of not only what is happening in the present but it steals our dreams.  We cry when we have a moment of clarity and think about what we have lost.  We see where we are and cannot see tomorrow.  Tomorrow hold the same as today which is a pain-filled existence and so, for many of us, death would be welcomed.  However, God has the ability to see our future and strives to keep us pushing forward refusing us to receive death because He knows what He has planned for us.  I would have missed all of what I am now experiencing and it is so sweet I would not trade it for anything in the world.

I have paid a great price for the happiness I am having today.  Christ paid a greater price for what I am experiencing and the best I can do, we can do together, as we leave our addiction behind us is to realize our dreams are now coming into reality.  We’ve been given a second chance whether old relationships are restored or new ones forged, we need to remember what going back will do to us, and them, and recognized addiction is no longer an option if we wish to maintain the joy we’re experiencing in these days.

Forgive me, Father, for my sin.

Thank you, Father, for restoration.

Vikki Blossom & Roy

Relationship or Toleration?

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I continued wondering regarding relationships, if I am impaired in being able to have one or if “toleration” is what people have for me.  I posed the question to a good friend but it was not a good question because what I needed to know could only come from someone I had an inter-personal relationship.  In this respect, I do believe others have been tolerant of me.  So, I asked God to help me to have an understanding of relationships and then permit me to have one.  He kept asking, “Are you sure?  Are you sure this is what you want?”  It is my belief when we have developed a relationship with God, and now I believe I have, and Him answering my prayer twenty-two years ago of “Prove Who You are”; once this is accomplished it must now be extended to others whether platonic or inter-personal.  God answered my prayer in a way I had no idea and so quickly, too; in a matter of hours.

Interpersonal relationships will have its difficulties.  I just shared mine occurring with my friend and this is what prompted the recent devotionals.  I left it in God’s hand to help me to understand what having a relationship is and He answered the question by having my friend surprise me later in the day, when the air was cleared, to answer the question I posed to her several days ago regarding developing a relationship, and she has taken it further by engaging herself to me in marriage!

I don’t know what to expect but this one thing I do know:  Whatever God brings into our path is for our good and it is always done in love.  I know prayer works and in order to live complete and satisfactory lives, after our addiction has been healed, we need not fear returning to the world which has been going on continually despite our addiction and it is time for us to rejoin it with relationships which will complete life in a fulfilling and enjoyable manner.  Pray and ask Him to help you to have the same, if this is His will for you.

God determined it is not good for man to be alone, And I think He would be the best one to know this.

I Wanted to Smoke Crack!

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Yesterday, I mentioned choosing relationship over death.  When you have come through the addiction stage, because you will, then and only then you begin to have choices.  Let me re-emphasize this:  When you are in addiction your choices have been taken away.  That’s why it’s called “addiction”.  Unless God creates circumstances providentially and you are willing to accept then He moves people, places and things into your path to provide healing.  So, in choosing a relationship yesterday, I immediately became frustrated interacting with her which made me rethink would this be best for me?  I was so disappointed and frustrated my words were misunderstood I wrote on my social networking site:  “Why must relationships be so difficult? Why do words get in the way? Why must there be hidden messages not in what is said but in how it is received?”  So, yes, for a moment I wanted to resort to a past behavior but I did not.

Today I have the ability and opportunity of choosing again.  A dear friend asked me yesterday, “When did you know you were finish and never would do drugs again?”  I had to think about it because I was never asked such.  I shared with her that as long as there is breath in my body, there will always be a chance I could fall.  This would apply with any sin.  We have no idea of the cunningness and strength of the enemy we’re dealing with.  He wants nothing else than to see us fail.  It’s really not about us.  This war is really about Christ and the devil uses us to get to Him.

So, when you have reached a level of clean-living in your life and you’re opening yourself to consider having a loving relationship and suddenly it goes downward, you must remember to continue looking upward because this is where your strength comes from.  This is something you are now able to choose to do and cannot use addiction as an excuse.

God is the good Shepherd who comes for His sheep.  Those who come to Him, their clean-living they will keep.

Vikki Blossom

Choice Between Death or Relationships

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I am confronted by two circumstances to write today, between someone who has died recently because of addiction or of a new relationship which is developing in my life.  Christ, while choosing who would follow Him made a very poignant statement to someone who wanted time to handle a family matter, “The dead will bury the dead.”  So, I choose to encourage you today with a relationship developing in my life and not speak of the ending of life.

As a former addict considering a relationship is a very serious matter.  You are bringing someone into your sphere where much pain not only lies behind but all of the rejection others may carry toward you, and the difficulties ahead, will have to become a part of this relationship.  It is not “if” the person you will become involved with is able to handle it but are you able to carry them with a positive attitude and demeanor knowing going backward is not an option?  You have seen what an addiction has done to previous relationships and should be considered an expert, so are you willing to build a new one and cherish it?  Dark days will occur but are you able to look through the clouds and still see the sun?

You have a choice between letting your past control you and your future; or, you can allow your future be the end result of the education of your past.  Saying “good-bye” to what you have known will give you the opportunity of saying “hello” to what remains to be seen without impureness to pollute whatever good will come into your life.  We have been through a lot.  No one can say we haven’t but at the end of it all we, too, deserve happiness which can only be found in a loving relationship.  This is my time to step up to the plate to make the choice whether or not I will be a part of something wonderful or will I continue to mourn that which I have lost?  I choose life.

If anything gets buried today and stay buried, then let it be addiction and all it meant.